10 Signs you shouldn’t be dating your Ex again
So would you all be so friendly as to simply help us out on this one? We need your votes! Once a day, err’day! Can you handle it? Sure, of course it is possible to! Let’s get right to it! Vote here: http://theindiechicks.com/blog-awards-vote-for-the-finalists-icbbawards/6/ – We hope it’s obvious, but if it’s not, it would be swell if you voted for the Urban Dater. =) Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook4Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: News It’s been a crazy week, but I’m back and ready to slam some opinions into your noggins, kids, much the same way a porn star would… I mean, it would be totally not like that of course… And moving on!ashlye madison The awesome Jess Downey posted a guest article by yours certainly on Monday about women who are too available. It’s encouraged a few readers to write up some questions on regarding this topic. So I thought I’d share one of them with you! From: Michelle Subject: 2 Available 2 Txt Message Body: Can someone be too available when they are only responding to texts? I never know when to end a text conversation and that always feels awkward.
It is still responding to his questions, but I feel like it goes on forever. I don’t always respond right away, sometimes it is twenty minutes and someotimes at the end of the day, but I still feel like I may be being a lot of. Thoughts? Michelle my belle! I think you bring up a great question! The short answer is, yes, it’s possible to totally be too available, especially through text. The thing is, Michelle, you already know the answer here, don’t you? If you’re already feeling uncomfortable with the frequency of text messages you are receiving then it is incumbent on you to let the offending texter that they’re “cramping your style,” or that they are “creepin’ you out by being all up in your company!” Seriously, though, a friendly message that you’re busy or having things to do should be enough for the average respectful person. As with anything in life, balance is required. A lot of salt ruins a meal and too much texting ruins the possibility of first night coitus, or, rather, any coitus at all… Here’s how I would deal with this: I would call the person directly and not text them and I would bring up this matter right away, nonetheless, be mindful that how you bring it up is the key. I dated someone who was a compulsive texter, these people were more content texting than talking, which I didn’t quite get at first. I called them out on this (in person, though) and joked about how much they text, which is when they confided how much more comfortable these people were texting. Having that information in mind, I was able to understand their love of the texting and could look the other way. Ultimately, though, it’s all about what you’re comfortable with. If two or more texts per day presents an issue, then speak up!
If your potential “fuzzy bumper” respects you, they will understand if you explain that you have a hard time responding to the constant stream of text messages. Summary: Give the offending texter the opportunity by explaining what you’re able to tolerate! (communication is key, peeps). If you plan to speak to the texter about their “habit” try doing so in person, to see when you can light-heartedly address the issue. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook0Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Date Ideas Tagged in: sexting, texting I’ve long speculated on the definition of love as well as its paradigm. What’s the ‘subject’ of this subject on love? How would you answer that? Here’s my simple answer: Numbers Game It is projected that a woman is supposed to meet up with the love of her life by the age 25 whereas a man is to find his at the age 28. So roughly in to a third of the way into your life, you’re supposed to find your marriage life partner (Marie Claire). But also, on average, it will only last 2 to 7 years if it does end in divorce (Balance). And half of U.S. marriages do. We all reside in an age that options are endless and “marriage for love” is eagerly wanted and idealized. In that sense, statistically, love seems renewable. It just cycles more often: more partners, more marriages, and more divorces occur.
So is love really, only a statistical opportunity? Chemistry appreciate without innate desire doesn’t sound palpable.
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Compatible. There are specific undeniable biological factors that draw people together. This can range anything from your pheromones to your dopamine-seeking brain; Genes see no social constructs on what love should “look like” in public or in some recoverable format. That explains why people- from different backgrounds, social circles, identities, upbringings, or cultures still inexplicably attract each other. Does love “naturally” happen however? Eye associated with the Beholder I think the best modifier for love is not Math, not Science, but Art. Art has structure and finite value, like Math, but it simultaneously does not have limits or absolute truths like Math does. Science can just only prove something wrong while Art can prove a point. Love isn’t math because it’s not absolute.
It isn’t math because love’s deliberate (not just probability). Love isn’t science because it’s not unnatural. It really isn’t science because love’s indisputable. Like Art, love is a decision in which its beholders relish. Lovers revel in their love because of what it personally speaks to them and what they personally need it to speak to others. Love, like art, is their beauty, opted for. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook8Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Marriage, Online Dating, Opinion, Self Tagged in: artists, love, Marriage/Relatiopnships/love, relationship compatibility Meeting people isn’t difficult. Meeting people you actually want to spend time with? That is. And when it comes to meeting people you’re interested in becoming romantically involved in?
Forget about it. You could as well attempt a one-legged back flip into a pool packed with hammers. It’s not a matter of there being too few fish in the see; rather, there’s too much water pollution to weed your way through the sludge and actually catch something. But don’t worry. There’s hope. I know how it feels to be looking for love and coming up empty handed, try after try. The truth is, when you haven’t found the right person for you yet, it’s not that you aren’t looking hard enough; you’re just not looking in the right places. Peas And Carrots, Not Apples And Oranges every person thinks they know their “type.” People say things like, I like blondes; I like long legs; I like green eyes, or soccer players, or people with golden retrievers. But traits like these don’t land you next to someone you’re in sync with; they land you next to some one it is possible to stare at. While looking is all well and good, you need to find the peas to your carrots and stop trying to line your apples up to a bunch of oranges, if you will get my meaning. A particular lifestyle program, The Diet Solution Program review of all things helped me see this light in a funny sort of way. You see, finding your perfect match is a lot like getting in shape. Every person desires to take action, yet not too many people know how.
Focusing on yourself is the only solution to get what you want out of life—every part of it, including love. Follow Your Bliss When I say, “Meeting people,” what’s the first situation you think of? Is it a bar? Your office break room? Blind dates your friends arranged for you? Unfortunately, this isn’t Hollywood. None of those scenarios will probably land you long-term love. And just because your best friend’s sister met her perfect match in a bar doesn’t mean it is possible to, too.
You see, what’s wrong with these tired standbys is that they’re all focused too generally. You can’t just walk into a bar and expect to make eye contact with your soul mate, and unless your Jim and Pam, office romances never end well. As for blind dates, well, friends and family are great I’m sure, but I guarantee who they think you should be dating is not who you think you should be dating. Where are you most happy? The gym? Walking your dog in the park? Reading a book in a quiet corner of Barnes and Noble? Wherever you feel the most at peace is where you’re most likely to discover a kindred spirit. Be bold and start a conversation. Be even bolder and extend an invitation.
And if you’re turned down, be the boldest you’ve ever been and brush it off. Log On For Love Already tried the old, “casually reading a book and bumping into strangers,” trick? Here’s a fun fact for you: more than half of the couples I know met up online. No, not in World of Warcraft—for the most part—but on dating sites. Contrary to popular belief, some great dating sites ask just the right questions to point you toward really great compatibility. A lot of people are wary of online dating, and it can feel somewhat strange at first, but if you’ve tried every other outlet and feel like there’s just no one nowadays for you, it’s worth a shot. The screen between you and your potential match can provide the perfect number of security to reach out, while giving you the confidence you need to extend yourself to someone in the first place. And in this busy, 24/7 work-and-no-play world where many of us live, logging onto a dating site for a few minutes a day is the only time a lot of us will ever have to scope out the single scene. Expect The Unexpected Finally, keep in mind that there really isn’t a “right” place or time to meet people; instead, when you feel drawn to someone, you should act on it.
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In a particular weight-loss program, Truth About Six Pack Abs Reviews, there’s some great stories of strangers who met in the gym of all places. Years later, they’re fitter, happier, and oh yea, together with the love of their lives.topadultreview.com It never would have happened had some one not said that first “hello”.
If you’re commuting home on the train and catch a stranger’s eye, start a conversation. Worst thing that could happen? Someone you’ll probably never see again ignores you. Best thing? You make a connection that could last the rest of your life. Circling back once again to what we talked about at the beginning of this article, remember: You’re not looking for love in all the wrong places, you’re just not looking with the right perception of yourself. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook5Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Dating & Relationships, Self, Social Media Tagged in: dating advice, observations, Online Dating, Self Is it Bliss or Did You Settle? This question has perplexed me for a very .
This weekend has brought it to the forefront of my mind, and that’s why we have been discussing it. Somehow this past weekend, before 8 pm on Saturday – FOUR of my friends have gotten engaged. I am very excited for everyone to start the next chapter of their lives – so as I write this, only a small part of it really is stemming from jealousy that this stage of life is NOWHERE close to where I am, despite my best efforts. Let’s discuss two of the couples. One was married before and apparently divorced. They moved in together at six months if the guy bought a house, and now somewhat over a year of dating they’re engaged. This couple is a superb fit; I have no qualms about them and the idea they will have everlasting pleasure. Couple two is where my issues begin. He was in a really serious relationship for about six years. It ended in a heart breaking way and about a year later he meets his now fiancée.
They date for under a year, and I remember hearing early on most of his doubts about her regarding how much she parties, etc., etc. This gal has also been engaged 3x prior. So is there just a certain wall people hit at a specific age where they let go of the negatives and put a ring on it? I have an ex that I lived with and almost married. We moved in together after three months, looked at rings at six and were broken up at twenty. It wasn’t the speed at which we moved that broke us, it was just general life goals we didn’t share. He was a homebody, never left his hometown for anything, only dated one girl before me, & was eight years older so you’d expect him to have accumulated more life experiences and dating experiences than me but that just wasn’t the case. I felt like I was always leading him. Always pushing him to want more out of life. To crave the same greatness that I crave. I don’t want just wealth, I want a fulfilling life where I spend each and every day doing things I actually enjoy vs doing something for a paycheck. I take the typical American rationale/thought and I throw it out the window. I want crazy love. The kind it hurts to live without! Using this ex, despite him being the KINDEST and most generous guy I have ever met—he just didn’t have that same passion that I have. So I left the most effective boyfriend I have ever had; I moved out and I broke his heart.
It was the hardest choice I ever had to produce. I composed a letter and read it to him after drafting it for weeks because I knew otherwise I would never get the words out… I still question if leaving him was the right choice. We were happy, he treated me such as a queen, he adored my family, enjoyed my friends….He was and still is completely wonderful and had I stuck it out when I was twenty-two, we would have definitely been married and likely considering kids. But would I have been certainly fulfilled? It’s unlikely. I think people can change to a certain extent—but that fire in someone’s heart and eyes can’t be encouraged by anyone but yourself. My ex-has been dating someone new for about one and a half years. We keep in touch. When they first started dating, he texted me and told me. I drove to his town the next day and we had dinner. I could tell he was using her as a method of making me jealous. It worked, I was not happy that some blonde chick had swooped in and grabbed him. But I had a boyfriend (not serious) and I knew I had no room to say anything.
He told me if she had a problem with our friendship, she would have to go. Fast forward two months within their relationship I get a text from an unknown number telling me to stop talking to him. I tell her that our friendship isn’t negotiable and if she has an issue, take it up with her boyfriend. Guys—I get why she was pissed. I am a lot prettier than her, more successful and we lived together—this was no small relationship. Of course, she desires to claim her territory. I . But nevertheless, the problem is hers and his – if he wanted to stop talking to me, that was on him. They’ve been together for a year and I ask when he is going to propose. He says that he has no plans to accomplish such (this girl is 33, aka she’s starved for that ring). He tells me, with certainty, “I think you should marry the person you can’t imagine living without and…. I can live without her.” This past October… I had a big work event in his town and apparently, I had some mail that wound up at his home so I stopped by. It was tense, I was nervous, it felt weird being back in my old house… He looked visibly shaken to see me also. I asked him why he was with her, give me the reasons.
He said – she bakes for me, she cooks for me, she does what exactly she knows I like. I lost it. I literally lost it. I moved an hour outside of the city for him! I started a business that TOOK OFF and spent two+ hours a day in traffic so that I could come home to him every night. And then to have my lack of cooking and cleansing thrown in my face, it was just too much. How do you expect me to have time for that while trying to build a career?! It wasn’t fair and it pissed me off. I stormed out and slammed the door. He called me as I drove and I told him that when I was twenty-two, struggling to make a name for myself, leaving the house at five am and returning at nine pm – there was no energy left for those things. Nowadays, I am much more in control of my life and career so I am able to cook, I am able to hire a cleaning professional, I make shit happens and my life is pretty damn smooth. F him. So congrats, you found a maid + servant + housekeeper – brafreakingvo. Point of that long-winded story is – he is the definition of settling. He still hasn’t proposed to the girl, and who knows when he will but I suspect it’ll happen sooner or later.
Leaving her would mean starting over again and I simply don’t think he has it in him. Plus he is such a nice person, the idea of breaking someones heart is probably just too much. And I am sure he loves her and is comfortable. So are most of these folks who are littering our news feeds actually marrying their soul mate/other half? Or did they hit that spot where in actuality the clock felt like it was running out, they not felt they’d find better and marriage was the next step? The divorce proceedings rate globally is too high for all of those visitors to actually be great matches. So I guess deep down I know the answer to my personal question… and had I settled, I’d be married right now too. #teamnotsettling Off to my next tinder date, Elle // www.lifeisnotarom.com Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook0Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Dating & Relationships Tagged in: advice, Dating, dating advice, dating tips, exes, marriage, observations P1: You’re still interested in a person and continue to communicate with them. P2: The other party is no longer communicating. P3: The other party is no longer interested. C: You just got ghosted Ghosting is an infamous, colloquial, and acceptable sensation in modern dating. It’s today’s euphemism for “no longer interested.” No one Loves being ghosted unless well, these people were as enthusiastically disinterested in the other party also. To ensure that begs the question-when is it Good to ghost someone?
Here’s my philosophical and applicable take on the ethics of ghosting. Threshold Ghosting can only be Considered ghosting when communication and/or connection was opened in the beginning. You can’t ghost someone or cut communication with someone if there wasn’t an exchange in the beginning. Context And what is considered “communication” may be subjectively interpreted. I think for the ghosting to have taken place, there needs been substantial communication either in quality OR amount. If there was clearly explicit romantic implication in question, then it’s considered ghosting. If there were multiple counts of active communication and engagement, then it’s ghosting. It’s Not Ghosting, It’s Rejection If it’s too early to even access a person, then it’s not ghosting. Without the threshold and the right context. It just isn’t. It’s not ghosting if someone didn’t reciprocate your interest. It’s not ghosting also, if they didn’t reciprocate your enthusiasm. It’s rejection.
Dating is just like the hiring process. Courtship has stages and so it’s not ghosting if the company of interest never called or returned your email or followed up even with a phone call. You just didn’t make the cut. By Association Just like any investment, the more you put into something, the stakes. Therefore the more dates, conversations, and interactions you have with someone, the less ground you have to “ghost” usually. It’s more approachable to ghost some one I went on one date with as opposed to 2 or 3 dates with. Polite Filter Sometimes, it’s more polite to not express disinterest and ghost instead. It might be imposing or ruder to have an assumption that the other party would want to be informed of your disinterest in the beginning.
Technological Buffer Tinder, Facebook, Snap Chat, Instagram are all platforms in which it is possible to instantaneously connect with someone, and just as easily, part.